i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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