I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
