I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
