Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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