It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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