you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
