Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize