hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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