this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
