That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
