She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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