so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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