Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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