My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
