Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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