Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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