ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think pants incapable of making pants work
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
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