Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
