You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
