i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
