If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize