Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
