if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
