Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
