A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize