She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Please don't give away my fajitas
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
