Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
