in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
