Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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