got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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