I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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