Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
