I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize