this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
