to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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