Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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