We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
