i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
