I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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