Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
