There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize