dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
