You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize