well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
