You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
