we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
