so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
