Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
