it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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