She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I didn't notice because vodka
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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