hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize