She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
