It's like God shit irony all over that family
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
