I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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