Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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