glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
