So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
