i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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