lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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