My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
