If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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