Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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