I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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