the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
