Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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