is your mom at the bar?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
