you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
