We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
