Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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