hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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