just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
