First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
