I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
