Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize