K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
