It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
