i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
