I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
