i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
