My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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