i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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