sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize