I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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