What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
