I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
