Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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