That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
