She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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