i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
