I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
