Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
