Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
