Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
