I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
