i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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