We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
