he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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