Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
