i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
