Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize