thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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