took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
