Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
