Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
