my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize