You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
