Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
