so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize