I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
